Dear Neighbors,

I hope you understand that singing karaoke for three days straight will not make anyone else appreciate the quality of your voices, much less your tacky choice in music. While I enjoy hearing some Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, and MJ from time to time, I find it very distasteful when you repeat them over and over on full reverb. Now I know you all just want to drink up and have fun singing together, but believe me when I say this in the most loving way: For every hour of quality sleep that you make me lose, I will throw shards of broken glass from my rooftop, hoping my perfect aim will pierce you skull and kill you, if not hit the part of the brain that is responsible for singing so that nobody can ever hear you again. Happy 2012!

Sincerely,

Gianina the Human

P.S. STOP SINGING PYRAMID. OR DON’T SING IT IF YOU CAN’T REACH THE HIGH NOTES. OR DON’T SING AT ALL.

—-

Dear Charice,

I just hope for your sake that you can still sleep at night in your million-peso bed and million-peso sheets, and your million-peso pj’s knowing that you are endorsing an evil device, thereby proliferating the cause of insomnia, thereby being responsible for the early death of 1 out of 3 people in the population. Happy 2012!

Sincerely, 

Gianina the Human

P.S. Don’t delude yourself with thoughts of how I’m only doing this because I’m bitter about people always mistaking me for you. We all know you stole your face from me with your evil magic mic that you’re selling to your loyal subjects, you witch. I’m the Marceline to your Princess Bubblegum, honey. YEAH, I WENT THERE.